For the Mama who cried...

Sometimes I fear writing all that our daily lives involve here on the blog. I'm not sure if it's fear of judgment, that I would seem like I'm complaining, or whether it's just harder to be real than to share a recent DIY party I threw, or cute pictures of my kids. More importantly, I really want to look back at these posts and see where God has brought me... out of miry pits and into periods of abundant blessing, like He has done so many times before. So I'll try harder, even when it hurts to admit how hard things really are at the moment.

Our sweet Livi... Her round little face and milky breath, as precious and squishy as she is, is VERY fussy. Some might use the word colicky. If she isn't nursing or sleeping, she's crying...often screaming... for hours. 

We believe that a lot of it has to do with a  lip-tie that we recently discovered. It's tissue that connects her upper lip to her gum, between where her first two teeth will be. She can't flair her top lip out properly and takes in a lot of air when she nurses. The poor thing then cries and cries until she can work out the air, one way or another. 

So now, this Mama is not only sleep deprived, and dealing with the pain that her poor latch leaves me with (as well as the Mastitis I battled 2 weeks ago), but I'm anxious, and my nerves are shot. Now we're faced with surgery to get her lip fixed, possibly a four hour drive away. 

I went to the Breastfeeding support group I attend yesterday morning, with Livi already upset. She'd gained another 9oz in 7days... Our little chunker. I watched as all the mamas easily calmed their babies by nursing them, all while my baby fussed and then screamed when I tried to feed her. SO VERY FRUSTRATING. The tears started welling up then. I looked over to see another Mama, who had burst into tears. Her baby was so tiny, and she was obviously having a rough time. I watched as other ladies close to her rallied around, giving words of encouragement. That's what I want this space to be... Real and honest and reassuring to Mamas who don't have it all figured out yet, and maybe never will. 

So if you think about it, please pray for this Mama. For daily strength through the hours of a crying baby, and for balancing life with two littles. There is so much joy in my life right now and such sweet moments, but there is also hard stuff, and I can't pretend that part doesn't exist.